Snoozing
Watching Aimee
Bedtime Story
Examining the Loot
In Cognito
Our Diva
Best Buds
A Good Stretch
Cute
Sweet Dreams
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Lots of random thoughts I've had lately...
--feeling sad that we drove by our old house the other day and all of the flowers we'd planted are dead
--my "Make Life Easier" list which I estimate will, when put into effect, do as the name suggests
--and while I was list-making I also made a "Get Healthier" list too, hopefully it will precipitate astounding results
--feeling sorta depressed living in "The Cave" and being so confined here with Ben and so anxious to move to a place with lots of light
--so happy that so many of our friends babies are doing so well, but so worried about those sweet little ones that struggle and so sad for those that have gone Home
--the endless "Balance in all things"
--noticing that my nails are narly and need more regular attention; unless I want to grow them out to compete in the Guiness Records
--trying to define my role with regards to family income, not getting overwhelmed by doctor bills and allowing the Lord to provide
--realizing that some of my unrealistic dreams may never become a reality, making new dreams and learning to make the dreams of my husband as important to me as mine are
--enjoying the birds singing outside
--trying to smile when I'm angry and laugh when I'm sad
--missing people who've passed on; one in particular
--learning to not be so rediculously nazi about having a tidy/organized home. Important? Yes. The end of life as we know it? No.
--realizing that while I like to think of myself as "all grown up" as circumstances and my body shape would suggest, I am still in many ways the child I was--so in need of love and acceptance and forgiveness from others, still making silly mistakes and generally making myself look rediculous a good share of the time
--attempting to develop two personality traits that I could benefit from-- listening more, and talking less and assuming the best about everyone
--wondering when was the last time I put Jet Dry in the dishwasher
--keeping all of Ben's medicines straight
--feeling horrible for not having memorized Aimee's dance for recital so I can help her practice
--trying to remember to water my dying plants
--feeling nervous to make new friends in a new ward and neighborhood-- will they like me? I'm kind of a dork!
--feeling proud of the yummy rolls I made the other day, regardless of the mess it caused
--loving Ben's expressive smile and laugh
--wondering why Jocelyn's face looks so grown up and all Aimee talks about is lipstick, jewelry and gum
--my "Make Life Easier" list which I estimate will, when put into effect, do as the name suggests
--and while I was list-making I also made a "Get Healthier" list too, hopefully it will precipitate astounding results
--feeling sorta depressed living in "The Cave" and being so confined here with Ben and so anxious to move to a place with lots of light
--so happy that so many of our friends babies are doing so well, but so worried about those sweet little ones that struggle and so sad for those that have gone Home
--the endless "Balance in all things"
--noticing that my nails are narly and need more regular attention; unless I want to grow them out to compete in the Guiness Records
--trying to define my role with regards to family income, not getting overwhelmed by doctor bills and allowing the Lord to provide
--realizing that some of my unrealistic dreams may never become a reality, making new dreams and learning to make the dreams of my husband as important to me as mine are
--enjoying the birds singing outside
--trying to smile when I'm angry and laugh when I'm sad
--missing people who've passed on; one in particular
--learning to not be so rediculously nazi about having a tidy/organized home. Important? Yes. The end of life as we know it? No.
--realizing that while I like to think of myself as "all grown up" as circumstances and my body shape would suggest, I am still in many ways the child I was--so in need of love and acceptance and forgiveness from others, still making silly mistakes and generally making myself look rediculous a good share of the time
--attempting to develop two personality traits that I could benefit from-- listening more, and talking less and assuming the best about everyone
--wondering when was the last time I put Jet Dry in the dishwasher
--keeping all of Ben's medicines straight
--feeling horrible for not having memorized Aimee's dance for recital so I can help her practice
--trying to remember to water my dying plants
--feeling nervous to make new friends in a new ward and neighborhood-- will they like me? I'm kind of a dork!
--feeling proud of the yummy rolls I made the other day, regardless of the mess it caused
--loving Ben's expressive smile and laugh
--wondering why Jocelyn's face looks so grown up and all Aimee talks about is lipstick, jewelry and gum
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A combined project for Dr. Hawkins
Thanks Christina for sending me the following info.
"Kim Simon who is a nurse at PCMC (and mom to Cole who is also a member of IHH) is working with Dr. Janet Harnsberger (who has a son that has HLHS that is now in his 20's) in putting together a "Thank You" project for Dr. Hawkins. They are asking that if you want to be involved please send a 4X6 picture of your child along with a paragraph of "Thanks". The photo and paragraph can be sent to Kim's email address at kks19@msn.com."
Everyone, let's contribute to this combined project and I know it will turn out great!
"Kim Simon who is a nurse at PCMC (and mom to Cole who is also a member of IHH) is working with Dr. Janet Harnsberger (who has a son that has HLHS that is now in his 20's) in putting together a "Thank You" project for Dr. Hawkins. They are asking that if you want to be involved please send a 4X6 picture of your child along with a paragraph of "Thanks". The photo and paragraph can be sent to Kim's email address at kks19@msn.com."
Everyone, let's contribute to this combined project and I know it will turn out great!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Devastating news...
So this is just horrible. I just found out on Friday night that Dr. Hawkins, Ben's primary surgeon, is very sick and has taken an indefinate leave of absense. I really appreciate a dear friend Kristen for letting me know this sad news. It came at a rough time for me because Cody was gone on a business trip and I was frustrated, lonely and really missing Cody. I cried for a few hours after I read her email. And it has taken me until now to be able to write about it.
I believe that very often our Heavenly Father uses others to answer our prayers and to bless our lives. He gives them special talents to help them, extra compassion, and frequent inspiration. Dr. Hawkins is one of those people. He truly means so much to our family. He worked so hard to save our son's life specifically three times during difficult and risky surgeries but also so many other times with his knowledge, resourcefullness, willingness and determination for Ben when so many others doubted.
I remember the first time we met him. It was the day of Ben's first open heart surgery actually just minutes before we were to walk the long hallway and say goodbye to him. Ben was just five days old and of course we were nervous. But certainly not as nervous as Dr. Hawkins when he came to meet us, get the consent form signed and explain what he hoped for in the surgery. I remember seeing him tossle his hair from side to side and rub his face and his knees with his hands. He was so worried, and it showed. Here was this man in front of us that we had been told was the absolute best; the leader in cardiovascular surgery at Primary Children's. A great innovator, a genius, a daring but cautious surgeon. And yet he just kept saying, "I don't know, I just don't know." I remember Cody reached across Ben's little isolet bed and said, "Just do your best, that's all we can ask of you." And he said that he would. That shows though the level of concern he has for Ben and for all the little ones in his care.
I remember when he came to talk to us after the surgery and I, who was just ecstatic that Ben survived!, couldn't believe that Dr. Hawkins didn't seem more relieved and pleased. But by the next surgery and then the days leading up to the transplant we got to know him better and realized the extreme high expectations he has for himself. He knows that everyday he comes to work, the lives of these precious children are in his hands. What an enormous burden to bear!
I was lucky to have two private conversations with him that really epitimized his extraordinary character to me. One was the day of Ben's transplant. I can't tell you the rollercoaster of emotions that day held for me, and I soon realized for Dr. Hawkins as well. Before Ben's mitral valve replacement surgery Dr. Hawkins had said that if they stocked hearts on the shelves like they did with artificial valves he would have done that procedure all along, because he knew the risks for Ben with the mitral valve replacement and how weak and damaged his heart really was (Ben still holds the record for the youngest and smallest child ever to have a mitral valve replaced at Primary's). So I thought when the donor heart became available for Ben that Dr. Hawkins would be so pleased. And he was, but disappointed too. In himself. He just kept saying that he wished there was more that he could have done to save Ben's heart. He said that he had tried so hard, that he had done absolutely everything he could think of, and that the memory of how damaged it was still plagued his mind. And then he asked who we would like to perform the surgery. "Duh, YOU!!!", that's what I felt like saying. How could he even imagine that we would want anyone else? He is so humble. And I saw the depth of his love for these sweet heart defect babies.
The second conversation was when he was restitching a chest tube that had come out. He started the conversation the same way most of his conversations started, with the Kansas Jay Hawks. He seemed in a chatty mood so I started asking him about living in Kansas, where my family way back when is from too. He told me he recently went back to help his mom move out of her home and into a retirement home. He talked about his kids in colleges all over the country. He talked about fishing and other hobbies he used to have. I said I guess there were probably a lot of things he didn't get to do anymore (knowing his round the clock hospital life). He mentioned a few things he had wanted to do during his life, some unfullfilled goals and dreams and said, "But then I went into cardio thorasic surgery, and there went that." Truly he devoted his entire life to saving others; our little boy is just one of so very many. I know this came at great personal sacrifice to himself and his entire family. And I stood there in awe and didn't know how, on behalf of so many, to thank him.
My very good friend Staci and I would like to put together something for him, a conclaboration of sorts. We hope that this message and others we are sending out will help to spread the word. If you or anyone you know has been touched by Dr. Hawkins at Primary Children's please comment to this post with your email address. We are hoping to compile stories and pictures and time is of the essense. Please spread the word. It would mean so much to me if there was some way we could say thank you to such a wonderful man and his family.
I believe that very often our Heavenly Father uses others to answer our prayers and to bless our lives. He gives them special talents to help them, extra compassion, and frequent inspiration. Dr. Hawkins is one of those people. He truly means so much to our family. He worked so hard to save our son's life specifically three times during difficult and risky surgeries but also so many other times with his knowledge, resourcefullness, willingness and determination for Ben when so many others doubted.
I remember the first time we met him. It was the day of Ben's first open heart surgery actually just minutes before we were to walk the long hallway and say goodbye to him. Ben was just five days old and of course we were nervous. But certainly not as nervous as Dr. Hawkins when he came to meet us, get the consent form signed and explain what he hoped for in the surgery. I remember seeing him tossle his hair from side to side and rub his face and his knees with his hands. He was so worried, and it showed. Here was this man in front of us that we had been told was the absolute best; the leader in cardiovascular surgery at Primary Children's. A great innovator, a genius, a daring but cautious surgeon. And yet he just kept saying, "I don't know, I just don't know." I remember Cody reached across Ben's little isolet bed and said, "Just do your best, that's all we can ask of you." And he said that he would. That shows though the level of concern he has for Ben and for all the little ones in his care.
I remember when he came to talk to us after the surgery and I, who was just ecstatic that Ben survived!, couldn't believe that Dr. Hawkins didn't seem more relieved and pleased. But by the next surgery and then the days leading up to the transplant we got to know him better and realized the extreme high expectations he has for himself. He knows that everyday he comes to work, the lives of these precious children are in his hands. What an enormous burden to bear!
I was lucky to have two private conversations with him that really epitimized his extraordinary character to me. One was the day of Ben's transplant. I can't tell you the rollercoaster of emotions that day held for me, and I soon realized for Dr. Hawkins as well. Before Ben's mitral valve replacement surgery Dr. Hawkins had said that if they stocked hearts on the shelves like they did with artificial valves he would have done that procedure all along, because he knew the risks for Ben with the mitral valve replacement and how weak and damaged his heart really was (Ben still holds the record for the youngest and smallest child ever to have a mitral valve replaced at Primary's). So I thought when the donor heart became available for Ben that Dr. Hawkins would be so pleased. And he was, but disappointed too. In himself. He just kept saying that he wished there was more that he could have done to save Ben's heart. He said that he had tried so hard, that he had done absolutely everything he could think of, and that the memory of how damaged it was still plagued his mind. And then he asked who we would like to perform the surgery. "Duh, YOU!!!", that's what I felt like saying. How could he even imagine that we would want anyone else? He is so humble. And I saw the depth of his love for these sweet heart defect babies.
The second conversation was when he was restitching a chest tube that had come out. He started the conversation the same way most of his conversations started, with the Kansas Jay Hawks. He seemed in a chatty mood so I started asking him about living in Kansas, where my family way back when is from too. He told me he recently went back to help his mom move out of her home and into a retirement home. He talked about his kids in colleges all over the country. He talked about fishing and other hobbies he used to have. I said I guess there were probably a lot of things he didn't get to do anymore (knowing his round the clock hospital life). He mentioned a few things he had wanted to do during his life, some unfullfilled goals and dreams and said, "But then I went into cardio thorasic surgery, and there went that." Truly he devoted his entire life to saving others; our little boy is just one of so very many. I know this came at great personal sacrifice to himself and his entire family. And I stood there in awe and didn't know how, on behalf of so many, to thank him.
My very good friend Staci and I would like to put together something for him, a conclaboration of sorts. We hope that this message and others we are sending out will help to spread the word. If you or anyone you know has been touched by Dr. Hawkins at Primary Children's please comment to this post with your email address. We are hoping to compile stories and pictures and time is of the essense. Please spread the word. It would mean so much to me if there was some way we could say thank you to such a wonderful man and his family.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Another surgery
It is time again. We are asking for all we know to pray for Brady, Cody's brother and for Cody's parents as well. Brady's health is really suffering and Mom & Dad Hamer have a way lot on their plate and haven't been well either. Brady was admitted in the hospital over the weekend, is home now but is having surgery tomorrow. Please, please pray for him and their sweet family.
Cody with Brady and their parents at Yellowstone last year.
Cody with Brady and their parents at Yellowstone last year.
So busy...Here's what you've missed...
Sorry I never blog anymore, just not enough hours in the day I guess. Here's what's been happenin' 'round here...
Ben's first bite--more out than in but now he loves it. Ben sleeping and Ben's first bottle.
Lots of storytimes and snuggling with Mom.
Ben showing the other side of his personality, just hangin' out and thinkin'..."I'm too cool for my buckles"..."These toys are lame"...and making a punk face, I'd spiked his hair--can you tell?
Jocelyn and Aimee are as busy as usual...at the Beauty and the Beast play with Grandpa and Grandma Hamer and making a routine visit to Mom's Salon (where the service is great but it's getting harder and harder to make an appointment!).
Our frequent visitor on the back porch.
Ben has a secret...I found it in his diaper, but I'll take that to throw-up anyday!
Cute Ben loves Daddy...snuggling.
Thumbsucking...it's all the rage!
Oh and we are in the process of buying another home...details and move-in updates to come! Yeah!
Ben's first bite--more out than in but now he loves it. Ben sleeping and Ben's first bottle.
Lots of storytimes and snuggling with Mom.
Ben showing the other side of his personality, just hangin' out and thinkin'..."I'm too cool for my buckles"..."These toys are lame"...and making a punk face, I'd spiked his hair--can you tell?
Jocelyn and Aimee are as busy as usual...at the Beauty and the Beast play with Grandpa and Grandma Hamer and making a routine visit to Mom's Salon (where the service is great but it's getting harder and harder to make an appointment!).
Our frequent visitor on the back porch.
Ben has a secret...I found it in his diaper, but I'll take that to throw-up anyday!
Cute Ben loves Daddy...snuggling.
Thumbsucking...it's all the rage!
Oh and we are in the process of buying another home...details and move-in updates to come! Yeah!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
"There were never such devoted sisters"...
Jocelyn is the fairy godmother and Aimee is going to go to the ball.
An hour later we had nap time. Aren't these two the most wonderful girls any mom ever had! Love 'em to pieces!
Latest Pictures
 |
 |
| Make a Smilebox photobook |
Here is the last two weeks at the hospital and the first two weeks at home!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I needed this today!
I was feeling a little, well, blah, today. I've been so busy I don't think I am really doing much with my talents (in fact I can't remember what they were!) and I was starting to feel like a bit of a failure in just about everything; I have the opposite of Midas' touch! Like maybe my mediocure contribution to this world doesn't really make much of a difference. Well I stumbled upon this link to Mormon Messages which can be found in my blog list and I watched this short video. I now feel inspired and refreshed to jump back into my fabulous life with my sweet family with new determination. And since I still don't have much time for hobbies currently I have decided I can CREATE myself--to be the person I want to be. And I can mean something to the four most important people in my life...and for me that is enough. To quote the famous little engine..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhLlnq5yY7k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhLlnq5yY7k
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Yeah, I'm finally home!
Well, after 106 days in the hospital I finally get to come home to my family. I was so excited that I didn't sleep (the whole night before!) but I made up for it on the ride home. Dad and mom were a little nervous I think, but not me. I've already settled in and am pretty comfy and getting used to our house. It sure is fun to spend time with my sisters, Jocelyn and Aimee. They are so busy all the time and I love to watch them. Unfortunately I didn't get to stay away from the hospital for even 24 hours because my feeding tube fell out and we had to drive all the way back to Primary's. I was afraid they would make me stay there again; so I cried the whole way there and back. The procedure was ok, nothing I can't handle, but you won't believe this...right after we had gotten home and we were getting out of the van, the tube fell out AGAIN!!! Mom said a bad word and had to apologize to everyone and dad was pretty frustrated too. He spent a few hours trying to schedule another placement for me, this time at Mckay because I was absolutely not going to ride to Salt Lake again. So we went and the mean nurse strapped my body down way too tight but that's all in the past, because now I have my tube, I get to eat again and have all my meds (my pain ones are my favorite), and mom and dad are watching me like a hawk. Well we have more pictures to post from the last few days, but not tonight; it's storytime with my family and I am not going to miss it. Thanks everyone for praying for me...I love you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)