Well since the cat is mostly out of the bag (in other words Jocelyn is telling everyone I haven't personally gotten around to telling) I guess it's time to post the good news. So....we're gonna have another baby!!! (I feel like screaming Aaaggghhh, Yeah, Uh-oh, Wah-hoo, Oh Dear, and Yippee! all at the same time.) Truthfully when I found out I was mostly terrified, worried, and anxious. But now I am starting to realize that Heavenly Father has brought us this baby and this opportunity for a wise purpose in Him, and even though I feel overwhelmed and can't really understand why me and why now, none of that really matters. We're having a baby! Another sweet little bundle to love and cherish. I think that babies are always a blessing, and I am sure this one will be for our little (or not so little these days) family.
Our baby is due Friday, March 5, 2010 (but I always go a week early so maybe the end of February) so that means I am almost 14 weeks! In a couple weeks we find out if it's a boy or girl.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
We have so much to tell you!
Our blog is currently being updated... visit again soon! (Like Angela soon, a few days to a week, not like five minutes.) Ü
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Heart Cath
So I happen to have a minute here at Primary's today for a quick update. Everything has been going pretty well with Ben, I think any way. Last night though we got a call from the transplant doc saying she has reviewed all of his echos from the last month and they think he is in rejection! (Aaaggghhh!!!) So here we are at Primary's doing an emergency heart catheterization and biopsy to know for sure what is going on with him. Such a bummer because he seems to be doing so well at home. But often by the time they show symptoms it is may be pretty advanced. He has been back for over two hours and they are just starting because it took so long to get all the lines placed. Say a prayer and wish us luck-- we'll try to update when we have some details.
P.S. Oh and Jocey was in the hospital a lot last week for tests because she has a really bad kidney infection so please pray for her too.
P.P.S. Aimee is great--hearty and healthy-- but she could use a prayer too 'cause life's been way crazy lately...again! Ü
P.S. Oh and Jocey was in the hospital a lot last week for tests because she has a really bad kidney infection so please pray for her too.
P.P.S. Aimee is great--hearty and healthy-- but she could use a prayer too 'cause life's been way crazy lately...again! Ü
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Until next time...
So we've been crazy busy the last two weeks and actually we are still right in the middle of another crazy two weeks. We did, with an enormous amount of help from family and a few friends, get our new home painted, cleaned, lawn mowed, bugs sprayed and everything moved. So now we are happily unpacking the loads of boxes, wondering how we ever fit this much in to our little three bed apartment, and still feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all (sealing the deal with our VA loan has been a nightmare this time and we haven't even closed yet!) but it's okay because when the dust settles it will all be worth it.
The girls are already soooo much happier and I think Ben is too. It is like a dark cloud has been lifted off our family and we are so ready to start living the rest of our lives. The Lord has truly blessed us. Ben's health has actually been remarkably well lately and we look forward in the next few months to being able to have a little more freedom to have visitors and take him out, slowly of course. He is going in for surgery in the next week and a half to have a G-tube placed in his stomach which hopefully will help his feeding struggles a little.
Unfortunately we don't have the internet hooked up at our new home yet (not sure when or if we will) so I don't know how soon I'll be able to post again. I'll really miss being able to check up on all my buds and seeing what is happening in your lives. So everyone out there remember that I won't be checking up on you and seeing all your cute pictures so you'll have to call me and let me know what is happening. And even though we've moved a little further away, don't be a stranger, it really isn't that far and you sort of get used to the brine shrimp smell after a while!
Over and Out...Ü
The girls are already soooo much happier and I think Ben is too. It is like a dark cloud has been lifted off our family and we are so ready to start living the rest of our lives. The Lord has truly blessed us. Ben's health has actually been remarkably well lately and we look forward in the next few months to being able to have a little more freedom to have visitors and take him out, slowly of course. He is going in for surgery in the next week and a half to have a G-tube placed in his stomach which hopefully will help his feeding struggles a little.
Unfortunately we don't have the internet hooked up at our new home yet (not sure when or if we will) so I don't know how soon I'll be able to post again. I'll really miss being able to check up on all my buds and seeing what is happening in your lives. So everyone out there remember that I won't be checking up on you and seeing all your cute pictures so you'll have to call me and let me know what is happening. And even though we've moved a little further away, don't be a stranger, it really isn't that far and you sort of get used to the brine shrimp smell after a while!
Over and Out...Ü
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Look how cute our neice Taylor is with her very first birthday cake. Funny how all kids seem to know just what to do with it! She has this cute expression with her hand raised up like she conquered it or something. Darling! Thanks Amanda for sharing the picture with me. Looks like a great party! Happy Birthday Taylor!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Lots of random thoughts I've had lately...
--feeling sad that we drove by our old house the other day and all of the flowers we'd planted are dead
--my "Make Life Easier" list which I estimate will, when put into effect, do as the name suggests
--and while I was list-making I also made a "Get Healthier" list too, hopefully it will precipitate astounding results
--feeling sorta depressed living in "The Cave" and being so confined here with Ben and so anxious to move to a place with lots of light
--so happy that so many of our friends babies are doing so well, but so worried about those sweet little ones that struggle and so sad for those that have gone Home
--the endless "Balance in all things"
--noticing that my nails are narly and need more regular attention; unless I want to grow them out to compete in the Guiness Records
--trying to define my role with regards to family income, not getting overwhelmed by doctor bills and allowing the Lord to provide
--realizing that some of my unrealistic dreams may never become a reality, making new dreams and learning to make the dreams of my husband as important to me as mine are
--enjoying the birds singing outside
--trying to smile when I'm angry and laugh when I'm sad
--missing people who've passed on; one in particular
--learning to not be so rediculously nazi about having a tidy/organized home. Important? Yes. The end of life as we know it? No.
--realizing that while I like to think of myself as "all grown up" as circumstances and my body shape would suggest, I am still in many ways the child I was--so in need of love and acceptance and forgiveness from others, still making silly mistakes and generally making myself look rediculous a good share of the time
--attempting to develop two personality traits that I could benefit from-- listening more, and talking less and assuming the best about everyone
--wondering when was the last time I put Jet Dry in the dishwasher
--keeping all of Ben's medicines straight
--feeling horrible for not having memorized Aimee's dance for recital so I can help her practice
--trying to remember to water my dying plants
--feeling nervous to make new friends in a new ward and neighborhood-- will they like me? I'm kind of a dork!
--feeling proud of the yummy rolls I made the other day, regardless of the mess it caused
--loving Ben's expressive smile and laugh
--wondering why Jocelyn's face looks so grown up and all Aimee talks about is lipstick, jewelry and gum
--my "Make Life Easier" list which I estimate will, when put into effect, do as the name suggests
--and while I was list-making I also made a "Get Healthier" list too, hopefully it will precipitate astounding results
--feeling sorta depressed living in "The Cave" and being so confined here with Ben and so anxious to move to a place with lots of light
--so happy that so many of our friends babies are doing so well, but so worried about those sweet little ones that struggle and so sad for those that have gone Home
--the endless "Balance in all things"
--noticing that my nails are narly and need more regular attention; unless I want to grow them out to compete in the Guiness Records
--trying to define my role with regards to family income, not getting overwhelmed by doctor bills and allowing the Lord to provide
--realizing that some of my unrealistic dreams may never become a reality, making new dreams and learning to make the dreams of my husband as important to me as mine are
--enjoying the birds singing outside
--trying to smile when I'm angry and laugh when I'm sad
--missing people who've passed on; one in particular
--learning to not be so rediculously nazi about having a tidy/organized home. Important? Yes. The end of life as we know it? No.
--realizing that while I like to think of myself as "all grown up" as circumstances and my body shape would suggest, I am still in many ways the child I was--so in need of love and acceptance and forgiveness from others, still making silly mistakes and generally making myself look rediculous a good share of the time
--attempting to develop two personality traits that I could benefit from-- listening more, and talking less and assuming the best about everyone
--wondering when was the last time I put Jet Dry in the dishwasher
--keeping all of Ben's medicines straight
--feeling horrible for not having memorized Aimee's dance for recital so I can help her practice
--trying to remember to water my dying plants
--feeling nervous to make new friends in a new ward and neighborhood-- will they like me? I'm kind of a dork!
--feeling proud of the yummy rolls I made the other day, regardless of the mess it caused
--loving Ben's expressive smile and laugh
--wondering why Jocelyn's face looks so grown up and all Aimee talks about is lipstick, jewelry and gum
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A combined project for Dr. Hawkins
Thanks Christina for sending me the following info.
"Kim Simon who is a nurse at PCMC (and mom to Cole who is also a member of IHH) is working with Dr. Janet Harnsberger (who has a son that has HLHS that is now in his 20's) in putting together a "Thank You" project for Dr. Hawkins. They are asking that if you want to be involved please send a 4X6 picture of your child along with a paragraph of "Thanks". The photo and paragraph can be sent to Kim's email address at kks19@msn.com."
Everyone, let's contribute to this combined project and I know it will turn out great!
"Kim Simon who is a nurse at PCMC (and mom to Cole who is also a member of IHH) is working with Dr. Janet Harnsberger (who has a son that has HLHS that is now in his 20's) in putting together a "Thank You" project for Dr. Hawkins. They are asking that if you want to be involved please send a 4X6 picture of your child along with a paragraph of "Thanks". The photo and paragraph can be sent to Kim's email address at kks19@msn.com."
Everyone, let's contribute to this combined project and I know it will turn out great!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Devastating news...
So this is just horrible. I just found out on Friday night that Dr. Hawkins, Ben's primary surgeon, is very sick and has taken an indefinate leave of absense. I really appreciate a dear friend Kristen for letting me know this sad news. It came at a rough time for me because Cody was gone on a business trip and I was frustrated, lonely and really missing Cody. I cried for a few hours after I read her email. And it has taken me until now to be able to write about it.
I believe that very often our Heavenly Father uses others to answer our prayers and to bless our lives. He gives them special talents to help them, extra compassion, and frequent inspiration. Dr. Hawkins is one of those people. He truly means so much to our family. He worked so hard to save our son's life specifically three times during difficult and risky surgeries but also so many other times with his knowledge, resourcefullness, willingness and determination for Ben when so many others doubted.
I remember the first time we met him. It was the day of Ben's first open heart surgery actually just minutes before we were to walk the long hallway and say goodbye to him. Ben was just five days old and of course we were nervous. But certainly not as nervous as Dr. Hawkins when he came to meet us, get the consent form signed and explain what he hoped for in the surgery. I remember seeing him tossle his hair from side to side and rub his face and his knees with his hands. He was so worried, and it showed. Here was this man in front of us that we had been told was the absolute best; the leader in cardiovascular surgery at Primary Children's. A great innovator, a genius, a daring but cautious surgeon. And yet he just kept saying, "I don't know, I just don't know." I remember Cody reached across Ben's little isolet bed and said, "Just do your best, that's all we can ask of you." And he said that he would. That shows though the level of concern he has for Ben and for all the little ones in his care.
I remember when he came to talk to us after the surgery and I, who was just ecstatic that Ben survived!, couldn't believe that Dr. Hawkins didn't seem more relieved and pleased. But by the next surgery and then the days leading up to the transplant we got to know him better and realized the extreme high expectations he has for himself. He knows that everyday he comes to work, the lives of these precious children are in his hands. What an enormous burden to bear!
I was lucky to have two private conversations with him that really epitimized his extraordinary character to me. One was the day of Ben's transplant. I can't tell you the rollercoaster of emotions that day held for me, and I soon realized for Dr. Hawkins as well. Before Ben's mitral valve replacement surgery Dr. Hawkins had said that if they stocked hearts on the shelves like they did with artificial valves he would have done that procedure all along, because he knew the risks for Ben with the mitral valve replacement and how weak and damaged his heart really was (Ben still holds the record for the youngest and smallest child ever to have a mitral valve replaced at Primary's). So I thought when the donor heart became available for Ben that Dr. Hawkins would be so pleased. And he was, but disappointed too. In himself. He just kept saying that he wished there was more that he could have done to save Ben's heart. He said that he had tried so hard, that he had done absolutely everything he could think of, and that the memory of how damaged it was still plagued his mind. And then he asked who we would like to perform the surgery. "Duh, YOU!!!", that's what I felt like saying. How could he even imagine that we would want anyone else? He is so humble. And I saw the depth of his love for these sweet heart defect babies.
The second conversation was when he was restitching a chest tube that had come out. He started the conversation the same way most of his conversations started, with the Kansas Jay Hawks. He seemed in a chatty mood so I started asking him about living in Kansas, where my family way back when is from too. He told me he recently went back to help his mom move out of her home and into a retirement home. He talked about his kids in colleges all over the country. He talked about fishing and other hobbies he used to have. I said I guess there were probably a lot of things he didn't get to do anymore (knowing his round the clock hospital life). He mentioned a few things he had wanted to do during his life, some unfullfilled goals and dreams and said, "But then I went into cardio thorasic surgery, and there went that." Truly he devoted his entire life to saving others; our little boy is just one of so very many. I know this came at great personal sacrifice to himself and his entire family. And I stood there in awe and didn't know how, on behalf of so many, to thank him.
My very good friend Staci and I would like to put together something for him, a conclaboration of sorts. We hope that this message and others we are sending out will help to spread the word. If you or anyone you know has been touched by Dr. Hawkins at Primary Children's please comment to this post with your email address. We are hoping to compile stories and pictures and time is of the essense. Please spread the word. It would mean so much to me if there was some way we could say thank you to such a wonderful man and his family.
I believe that very often our Heavenly Father uses others to answer our prayers and to bless our lives. He gives them special talents to help them, extra compassion, and frequent inspiration. Dr. Hawkins is one of those people. He truly means so much to our family. He worked so hard to save our son's life specifically three times during difficult and risky surgeries but also so many other times with his knowledge, resourcefullness, willingness and determination for Ben when so many others doubted.
I remember the first time we met him. It was the day of Ben's first open heart surgery actually just minutes before we were to walk the long hallway and say goodbye to him. Ben was just five days old and of course we were nervous. But certainly not as nervous as Dr. Hawkins when he came to meet us, get the consent form signed and explain what he hoped for in the surgery. I remember seeing him tossle his hair from side to side and rub his face and his knees with his hands. He was so worried, and it showed. Here was this man in front of us that we had been told was the absolute best; the leader in cardiovascular surgery at Primary Children's. A great innovator, a genius, a daring but cautious surgeon. And yet he just kept saying, "I don't know, I just don't know." I remember Cody reached across Ben's little isolet bed and said, "Just do your best, that's all we can ask of you." And he said that he would. That shows though the level of concern he has for Ben and for all the little ones in his care.
I remember when he came to talk to us after the surgery and I, who was just ecstatic that Ben survived!, couldn't believe that Dr. Hawkins didn't seem more relieved and pleased. But by the next surgery and then the days leading up to the transplant we got to know him better and realized the extreme high expectations he has for himself. He knows that everyday he comes to work, the lives of these precious children are in his hands. What an enormous burden to bear!
I was lucky to have two private conversations with him that really epitimized his extraordinary character to me. One was the day of Ben's transplant. I can't tell you the rollercoaster of emotions that day held for me, and I soon realized for Dr. Hawkins as well. Before Ben's mitral valve replacement surgery Dr. Hawkins had said that if they stocked hearts on the shelves like they did with artificial valves he would have done that procedure all along, because he knew the risks for Ben with the mitral valve replacement and how weak and damaged his heart really was (Ben still holds the record for the youngest and smallest child ever to have a mitral valve replaced at Primary's). So I thought when the donor heart became available for Ben that Dr. Hawkins would be so pleased. And he was, but disappointed too. In himself. He just kept saying that he wished there was more that he could have done to save Ben's heart. He said that he had tried so hard, that he had done absolutely everything he could think of, and that the memory of how damaged it was still plagued his mind. And then he asked who we would like to perform the surgery. "Duh, YOU!!!", that's what I felt like saying. How could he even imagine that we would want anyone else? He is so humble. And I saw the depth of his love for these sweet heart defect babies.
The second conversation was when he was restitching a chest tube that had come out. He started the conversation the same way most of his conversations started, with the Kansas Jay Hawks. He seemed in a chatty mood so I started asking him about living in Kansas, where my family way back when is from too. He told me he recently went back to help his mom move out of her home and into a retirement home. He talked about his kids in colleges all over the country. He talked about fishing and other hobbies he used to have. I said I guess there were probably a lot of things he didn't get to do anymore (knowing his round the clock hospital life). He mentioned a few things he had wanted to do during his life, some unfullfilled goals and dreams and said, "But then I went into cardio thorasic surgery, and there went that." Truly he devoted his entire life to saving others; our little boy is just one of so very many. I know this came at great personal sacrifice to himself and his entire family. And I stood there in awe and didn't know how, on behalf of so many, to thank him.
My very good friend Staci and I would like to put together something for him, a conclaboration of sorts. We hope that this message and others we are sending out will help to spread the word. If you or anyone you know has been touched by Dr. Hawkins at Primary Children's please comment to this post with your email address. We are hoping to compile stories and pictures and time is of the essense. Please spread the word. It would mean so much to me if there was some way we could say thank you to such a wonderful man and his family.
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