Sometimes the only way I can express my feelings is through writing. I'm not very good at it but I thought I'd share two of the poems I've written recently while at the hospital. The first was during a time when Ben was really sick and the second was around midnight last night.

Ben--
I see you lying still
Seeing the world from a distance
People moving by so quickly, it's hard
To understand what it all means,
Who they are,
Why you are here.

The life we'd dreamt of for you
And the reality of this disease are
not the same.
We wondered at first.
Why you?
We didn't understand.

But just like you spend your days watching,
Learning with patience.
Enduring, breathing--
We spend ours watching,
Waiting with anticipation.
Hoping, Praying.

And each day you grow, our hearts
Sing.



To Our Donor Family,

What can I say, the words just won't come,
What you've given our child we could never have done.
We'd worried, we'd hoped, we'd waited. We'd cried.
We'd prayed, but no matter what our hands were tied.
We needed a miracle to save our son's life,
We needed pure love and ultimate sacrifice.

When the call came that morning we felt emotions in wide range.
For here was our hope, his chance finally came.
But also we felt amidst all the joy,
Immense grief and sorrow, someone had lost their little girl or boy.
How could we feel happy, how dare we to hope,
How could this family even begin to cope?

I don't know the answers, I don't know the "why's",
I don't know why some live, and some have to die.

But I do know the gift, the priceless, selfless gift,
I'll spend my whole life trying to live up to it.
For these years with my son I'll do the best that I can
To teach him compassion and to serve his fellow man.
And that way don't feel like your little one's gone
Your child's heart is still beating, it's still going strong!
I'll take care of that heart as long as I live,
And I'll never forget the gift that you've given.